my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
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