The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
