I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
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