True but thats because hes a fetus.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
