Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I've never been so embarrassed. It's like waking up as Fred Durst.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Randomize
