Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
