My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
This lady gave me four cups to go along with my gallon of daiquiri. Silly girl, all I need is a straw.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
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