Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
