Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
So at this point...I'm sure you heard the story about Saturday night
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Is it penis luge time yet?
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
Randomize
