I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
