so that wasnt chicken after all
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
