Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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