HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
Randomize
