Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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