Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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