We named our party play list daddy issues
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
Well I don't think you can suck his dick while he's making pizza. I think that goes against some health codes.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
