real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
