I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
