He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I heard Topanga got a DUI. I need that mugshot asap.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
Randomize
