He disabled his match.com account in front of me
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Randomize
