somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
Randomize
