I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Randomize
