I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Randomize
