I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
