Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
When did we convert life to cartoon?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
