i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
cat food counts as protein by the way
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
