Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
YOUR TO-DO SEX LIST CANNOT CONSIST ENTIRELY OF MY THREE BEST FRIENDS
and their significant others
AND THEIR SIGNIFICANT OTHERS
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
