Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
