she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
