If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Randomize
