i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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