Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
