if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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