highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
