woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
