So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
2011 senior yearbook drinking game. we're taking a shot whenever some dumbass uses that quote about how life isn't isn't about the breaths you take, but the moments that take your breath away. also that retarded wayne gretzky one about missing shots you don't take.
How do I tell my Dad that in the picture he has of me and my brother as the background of his phone we were both rolling face on ecstasy?
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
