Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
I just googled "semen solvent" and got nothing. there has to be something that will wash this shit off!
I see a marketing opportunity
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
She said you told her you were ready to be a dad. We just got back from our purchase of the morning after pill. That took me 2 hours of convincing. No more fucking my sister.
1. Thanks. 2. No.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
