she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I supernannyed him into submission
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
