eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
