i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
