I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Dignity is for republicans.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Randomize
