My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
well most of my day revolves around power hour
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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