You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
