Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
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