Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
