i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
there isn't one for "I'll give you an I'm sorry blowjob" but that's also an option you have. in the meantime here is an emoticon of a caterpillar
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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