I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
Randomize
