would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I had a crappy evening so the fat girl in me says eat and cry and watch something sad. The cool girl in me says don't eat go run. So I'm watching family guy and doing crunches w a pickle in my mouth
Gross
AN ACTUAL PICKLE
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
