Where are you?
In a non slutty way
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
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