I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
