so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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