Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
You just kept yelling at the cabby "I own this cab" and insisted on smoking with all the windows up
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
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