You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
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