every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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