when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Randomize
