So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
