she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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