My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
