All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Randomize
