I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Life isn't about who you kiss, drunk, at midnight. It's who you text nonsense to, sober, from the toilet.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
My feet surprised me
Randomize
