the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
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