i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
