do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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