my soul wont recognize me after tonight
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Randomize
