But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize