Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize