Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
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