have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Randomize
