she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I have post one night stand depression
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
Randomize
