Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Randomize
