doug butabi!
steve butabi!
hotties wanna shake it
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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