What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
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