we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
Guess who just bought an ounce of pot via Paypal, and paid for it with my airline Visa card to earn miles?
Congratulations. That business degree is finally worth every penny it cost you.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Randomize
