How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize