Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
you inspire me to be a worse person
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
the orange of my hangover Tang is hurting my eyes... my coworkers knew it was hangover Tang too.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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