Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Randomize
