He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
