I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
