Got a toothbrush?
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
Randomize
