chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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