I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
Randomize
