you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
