just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize
