Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
