GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
