16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
