So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
this hospital has no fireball
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
