my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Randomize
