Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Randomize