How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Houston, we have a squirter
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
