I cockslap morals
I want to walk on stilts...naked
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
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