Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
