Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
