Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
it's graduation. he's gonna get congratulations slash emotional i cant believe youre leaving me sex.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
