I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Randomize