guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
it wasn't lemon gatorade
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Randomize
