ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
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