WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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