I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
Randomize
