i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Randomize
