be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
