Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
