I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
