spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
This is classic penis vs brain.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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