a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
