I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Randomize
