this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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