I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
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