I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
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